And They're Gone

I've been really spoiled lately in the fact that I have been able to see PB and AJ twice in a months' span.

P and I talk probably at least every other day for about a half hour, just catching up and lamenting about things (what else are sisters for??!) and while I do try to make her feel guilty about living so far away sometimes (because I'm selfish and want her to live in MN again, near me!) I know it's not what she wants.

She has lived in MO for eight years now. EIGHT. It's where she's gone to college, graduated, held jobs, got married, and now had her first baby. She's putting down her own roots for herself and her family, establishing herself in the world.

I am so proud of her :)

It does suck to not be able to interact with my niece and watch her grow up right in front of me, sucks that I don't have my big sis to stand next to me and help me when I'm having issues (I have a lot!), sucks that she can't always come "home" to celebrate things. But she is able to get away from family issues (jealous!) that pop up from time to time.

Plus the fact that because she chose to live in MO for school and now for the rest of her life has allowed my family and I to travel (mainly just to MO!) more so than if she didn't live there.

It makes me feel not as guilty when I look at out-of-state schools.

But I do always feel guilty when it's time to say good-bye to her and she cries.

I don't.

I want to. But instead, I just detach myself and pretend like the visit never existed. We go back to phone and skype and me wishing I could be a bigger part in her life (and her in mine).

I need to remind myself constantly how lucky I am. Yes, P lives far away. Yes, I don't get to see her whenever I want. But she's here, on earth. I get to talk to her, hear her voice, ask her questions, get her help. One day that won't be possible. So I need to squeeze whatever time we do have and get the most out of it.

I love you P, so so much! You are the best big sis ever, even if you do cause me grief from time to time :)
Stay true to yourself and know that I love you no matter what. Forever and ever.